your life is not stagnant, you just haven't been paying attention

we breathe in change daily

We grow in different dimensions; mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present” — Anaïs Nin 

Growth is many things but not linear. And isn't this what we love to see? To be able to straightly trace the outlines of a thing and pronounce a name? To measure growth by chalking up the inches of a ‘proper life’: the car, cosy apartment, yeasted following, fat bank account,  some sort of fame. 

As a recent college graduate, my life has been many shades of interesting. Even the boring days bear out something new. I have become reflective. I have become deep, quick and meditative. I have packed a suitcase and travelled to the past, taking notes of all the detours I made that shaped me into this version of self. I have become the mysterious girl by default not because I have hacked the regimens of a private life but because adulting has stunned me into a necessary silence. 

This phase has been difficult.

Sometimes, I fold myself into complicated folds of wistfulness, crimping to a comma, hoping to punctuate my life with happiness. Other times, I expand into a fat question mark, demanding answers from this newly minted graduate brain of mine. I am scraping the corners of my mind, trying to peel off answers to serve as fodder for the hungry mob with their relentless “What Next?” questions. I am chasing happiness but she is too slippery, too sneaky.

Credit: Nimi Adeyemo

Soon, only one more God abeg away from caving in, I decided to trick my mind. Every ending is equally a beginning and so this one should be, must be. I tore out a scrap of paper one Sunday evening and wrote a shoddy list of small goals for the week.  Call a friend, watch a movie, read a book, take a selfie. 

Six evenings later, I returned to the list, taking stock, crossing out lines and smiling, a new cell of satisfaction swelling in my belly.

I had caught her. 

I had finally captured  happiness and the cheeky thing loved tiny spaces and small moments. She appeared during a simple call with a friend I hadn't spoken to in years, remerged when I went absolute feral for a book that had gathered dust on my TBR, and sparkled when I spared a few minutes stargazing.

Source: Pintrest

They say everything beautiful has already been created. There would be no better fashion than the skin, no better painter than God, no better camera than the eye and no prettier thing than the smile of a lover.  And I tell myself, I am okay over and over again. I have everything I need at this moment and will continue to build my life one day at a time. I am learning that there is a difference between having goals and being consumed by everything I am not. 

So remember, you are sprouting. Growth comes in different shapes and shades. Notice all the tiny pretty ways you are stretching and get familiar with how nature itself acquaints us with the nature of patience in the presence of growth.  

Till my next post, 

Keep Unboxing. 

---

Reading:

⚯ The Will of the Many: All hail BookTok! Like many, I finally gave in to the buzz around TWOTM, and I have to say- hallelujah, it was everything! I love when a book pulls you in so deeply that it makes you question things and even dive into history. The depth of the characters, the intricate power dynamics, the layered plot, the masterful structure—just, wow!

⚯ The Sword of Kaigen: You know those books that leave you completely tansfixed while reading? The kind where you're so immersed in the story that you half-expect to find the characters living out the next scene right in the next room? I love how real and tangible the story feels, how beautifully it's interwoven with Japanese culture.

Misaki defies every expectation placed on women, and Mamoru questions, challenges, loves, and constantly strives to serve. This book gave me all the feels, and I can't stop thinking about it.