Who stole my summer body?

big belle pandemic

First and foremost, the body goal has always been a flat tummy, perhaps abs if God wills, toned legs and arms, and booty, all the recipe for a banging body. Think Osas Ighodaro, Naomi Campbell, Beyonce.

But.

My school has been on break for a while now, yeah. No, not ‘while', more than four weeks and counting! I'm not complaining, I'm not complaining…

(Screams in Barbie)

I was on my own jeje when this little girl approached me. "Cute little adorable thing" until she opened her mouth wah.

"Hanti, your tummy is getting big o"

I looked at her tiny mouth, tiny eyes, tiny everything and did as if I did not hear.

"You've finished all the food in your mummy's house" she added "just small holiday like this".

I wanted to tell her to go and carry microphone. Soboloyonke. Mouth like helicopter wing. But wait, who's giving all these small-small gen z children boldness? 

I just gave her bombastic side eye, stood up from my chair, and dusted my ass. Small baby cannot come and embarrass hot girl like me in public.

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Immediately I got home like this, I checked the mirror and lo and behold, there it was. That thing they said that babies always tell the truth, I now believe. Because what? Summer body in the muddy-muddy. Abi, my body has switched ni?

In other words, my flat tummy has gone. Poof, it has disappeared into the thin air. Abi, you help me see it? What kind of betrayal is this? Is my food not digesting ni? This is not the evidence I'm looking for o. Please give me handkerchief let me cry. 

So yes, holiday haff turned to me to balloon. Come and blow me away and use to do baiday. 

Anyway, Kosi yonu.

How can I say this proverb in English?

‘Ogbon o le tan laye ka wa lo sorun.’

‘Brain cannot finish on earth, we should look for it in the sky' (correct?)

Tomorrow, I go on YouTube, search for banging body workout and begin. Furthermore,  I eat just 2 tablespoons of rice and one molecule of beans.

What else? Help me na. Because in 2 weeks, that girl must come and tell me if my stomach does not look like the chopping board in her mummy's kitchen.

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Reading:

•Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Mass: I told you guys I liked fantasy and paranormal books. Although this isn't my kind of fantasy, I usually like wolves and vampires. Still, I found myself in palace in my dreams. I no do again. It was interesting anyway and well-written.

The Comfort Book by Matt Haig: Saw this book in one of Renike's tweets and immediately I knew I needed it. Who doesn't need comfort? The book is packed sha and feels like a warm blanket on a cold rainy day. After my Bible, I will be reading this always.

What book are you reading? You people should tell me or I will vex o.