Today I turn 21. Thank youuu Jesus! It's a birthday tradition to write a piece every year. I only have my nineteenth published though.
For some reason, many think I'm older than my age. I'd take that as a compliment, the mature beyond-her-years kind. Yes, that's me thank you.
Weirdly, I never feel my age too sha. I've always felt older. Maybe, because most of my closest friends are older than me or maybe because of the internal pressure I've fixed on myself since I was little. I'd say both, but I know the second point has a greater impact. Let me give you a hint of what I mean. When I was 11 or 12 or 13, I cannot remember what age exactly...
... anyway when I was 11 or 12 or 13, my brother told me about this girl Amarachi who was a dancer and had won the Nigerian Got Talent. I remember tirelessly watching her auditions and her music video which was released shortly after her win. I thought to myself if she could do it, why couldn't I? At that time, I thought we were age mates. I forced myself to learn the dance moves and practiced so much till I knew it by heart (or thought I did). Intense internal pressure. I so badly wanted to be her. More importantly, I wanted to have what she had at that age.
I look back at my journals sometimes and I catch phrases like:
Temi, you're 15 do A!!
Temi, you're 16 look at this habit!
Temi, you're 17 fgs when will you be A?!
Oh no, you're finally 18 get your shii together!
Finally 19, what have you done with your life?
.... I didn't see 20 sha. But I must have thought it. Sure, must have.
I'm not even judging myself. I wouldn't say I didn't know better than to put unnecessary pressure on myself, I did. My brother was always there to stop me when I drove on my mental rush track without brakes. But I always turned the ignition on, always pressed the pedal harder, harder, harder. To see if I could go any faster, faster, faster, get a move quickly, secure a spot in the sky.
I'm 21 now and I'm sure not writing anything pressing again in my journals or anywhere. I won't say I've learned my lesson because I have no single regrets about the past. It was what it was.
21 and I'd dance in the rain. 21 and I want to smell the flowers. Stay with this 21 Temi, the one without the need for display and accolades. Just me. Bare, raw, real. Because I cannot remember the past, but I can live this one, this moment, now. I will never be as young as this (and I'm saying this without lack or want) and trust me I'm okay with that. Tell me, what's the rush? Absolutely nada.
So, thank you for being a part of my day and my past year. I love you even more. God bless you.
Always, T.
P. S: I've always been expectant of age 21. Partly because my elder brother and I, have a bet which I think I clearly won (Neeyon, yeah?). And also because for some strange reason ( reason; the single fact that I watched a movie series titled She-wolf where the main character turned to a wolf on the night she clocked 21) I thought I'd turn into a wolf today. Well, the night is upon us yet. There's still time. I want white fur and blue eyes.
Merci beaucoup for all the birthday wishes and amen to all the prayers. Do me a favour and gift someone this newsletter. Spread it pleaseeee.
Welcome to 21 baby girl!
My sweetheart ❤️❤️❤️ Beautiful piece !
Cheers to more wholesome experiences 🥳